Reflect
by Madame Wilhelmina
Summary: I am not a good friend. I have nothing to offer either of them, yet how do I tell them to get lost when I need them to stay? I need them both so badly...All I ever bring is death, yet all I've ever wanted is a family. A trio-centered fic . Somewhat dark..


**Authors note 1: **I have no idea where the idea for this oneshot came from. I wanted to write a story focusing on the trio's friendship and feelings towards one another and well...here's the result.

It' set during Deathly Hallows right after Ron left. Each part focuses on a different member of the trio's own inner thoughts and feelings regarding themselves, each other and their importance as part of the group.

_**Disclaimer: **_I could wish but it's not mine.

_**Reflect**_

**Despair **

I have always been the most expendable of the trio. While my two best friends could hardly go a minute without talking to one another, I was always the one on the sidelines, the reject, if you will. I was the extra who just somehow found their way in through unusual circumstances.

I am not ignorant. I know that I am held in great value by both of my friends. Yet I can't help but wonder if that is more out of need for my intellect than anything else. I often question whether, if by any chance I wasn't as bright as I'm thought to be, would they even care at all? What am I really when it all comes down to it? Am I really just some intelligent bookworm that is needed only for my brains? Are my feelings really worth nothing? My feelings for the two people who matter most?

I see them laughing at times and even as I laugh with them, I feel like I am the odd one out. They have such an instinctive understanding of each other, that I have never had with ether of them. No matter how deeply I love them, I am never as in tune with either of them as they are with each other. I get annoyed at their immature antics, yet they laugh at one another's. I try to understand them, yet I come up short. I attempt to fit in, yet I always feel like the odd one out. I am the brains of the group and perhaps I am nothing more.

Yet, I try to be otherwise. I help them out as best I can, with whatever I can despite the fact that I know it is being taken for granted. I berate them for their laziness and immaturity only to become even more isolated as a result. I do so because I care, not because I wish to be rejected even further, but that is exactly what happens.

I always find myself the odd one out. The one who is only there to offer their intelligence and magical talent to the group and nothing more. I have no humor to offer, no dark and interesting past. I am just the brains of the group, forever destined to be held up in regards to a very informative textbook. Never will I actually be a best friend to either one of them.

I sit beside Harry now and though neither one of us says anything, I know that he feels the same as I do. That while I am useful and informative, I am not Ron. I know that wherever Ron is at the moment, he is probably missing Harry more than me. They care more for each other than they do for me. I am just not as important to either of them. I hate them for this, for always making me be the odd one out. I hate Ron for leaving us when Harry and I both need him most. I hate Harry for looking so discouraged when he still has me to help him. I hate them and yet I love them both with all of my heart.

**Guilt **

He left. He really left. I knew that Ron was in a horrible state of mind but to go and ditch us like this? I couldn't blame him though, I wouldn't want to stay with me ether if I was him.

All I ever do is get others around me killed. The thought that Ron, or Hermione for that matter, would want to be so close to me at all is beyond astonishing. I never understood why. I have nothing to offer them. All I have is a lightening-bolt shaped scar on my forehead and a madman out for my blood.

My scar is hurting now. I ignore it as best I can. I could care less about Voldemort right now. All I know is that Hermione is crying and my best friend, who I love probably more than anyone else is gone. I don't have to guess why he went. He acted like a jerk but he was right to leave. If he stayed he probably would have died. I am only good for getting others killed.

I look over at Hermione and I wonder why she stayed. Does she really feel that much of a desire to help me or is it because she as a Muggleborn is in danger too? Why did either of them ever stick it through when I was rushing into some dangerous adventure? Was it friendship that made them stay or was it guilt? Did they feel the need to remain close out of pity, the way that Mrs. Weasley mothers me at times? Am I just some charity project to them or do they really care?

I never wanted any of this. What I had always wanted, ever since I could remember, is to have a family that loved me. I wanted to be normal, to have parents and siblings and a home, yet I received none of that. Instead I got stuck with a scar while my parents bodies were placed in the ground. My life was hell up until I started Hogwarts, until I met them. My best friends, my family...

Ron was the first friend that I ever made, not counting Hagrid. For as long as I have been at Hogwarts, I have had him for a best friend. We got along so well and he always stuck by me. I never understood why though. What made me such a good friend? I have never been very understanding of him and always took him for granted. I just always thought he would be there...

I took her for granted too. My second best friend, the only person who matters to me as much as Ron does. She is the only family I have right now and as much as I hate to say it, it is just not the same. I love her, but we are just not whole without Ron. Without him, our group is incomplete. Perhaps it is too much to ask that she even stay though. If she wants to leave, I wont stop her. The fact that she is here when all that awaits her is death, is beyond my understanding. I suppose that I am always the pity case though. Ron wised up, eventually she will too.

I am not a good friend. I have nothing to offer either of them, yet how do I tell them to get lost when I need them to stay? I need them both so badly even though I know that I am no good for them. I am just a pity case, who has nothing to give to anyone. All I ever bring is death, yet all I've ever wanted is a family.

_**Self-Hatred **_

I hate myself right now. I've hated myself since I left them. I know that it was horrible but I just couldn't bring myself to stay. I'm a burden on them both, there is no denying that. Hermione and Harry would be better off without me.

The Horcrux was right. I am of no importance to anyone. I am not as smart as Hermione, nor am I a hero like Harry. I am nothing really. I'm not a true friend, or a good brother or son. I have nothing to offer to anyone. The best I can just do is go away and leave everyone alone. Harry and Hermione don't need me and they never have. As long as they have each other, they can get through anything. I would just be there to stand in their way to glory, just some foolish follower who didn't know when to quit. Harry will succeed and it will be her who will help him, not me.

It's always been that way really, with not just my best friends, but with my family too. I was never the scholar nor the troublemaker nor the athlete. I'm just the youngest of the sons, the one that nobody wanted. My mother had always preferred Ginny to me and I thought that made it pretty obvious from the start that I wasn't wanted. She wanted a daughter and I was instead just another son and not even one who succeeded in life like Bill or Charlie or the twins did. I was a failure as a son. I could tell that right from the start. All of my other siblings would do well and I would always be behind them, in the background. It was very much the same with Harry and Hermione.

I want to help Harry. I want Voldemort gone so that way my friends lives are no longer in danger. Yet I can't help them out. I am clueless as to what to do. The best thing is just to get out of the way of those who are smarter than me and who can be of assistance to Harry. I have nothing to offer.

I always wanted to be someone special. Someone that others could look up to and respect. Someone that is actually needed. Instead of a person who is forever disregarded as unimportant. I am useless to my family, to my friends and to the Wizarding world.

They probably hate me for leaving and I don't blame them in the slightest. I deserve their hate. Harry was my best friend and I ditched him because I was a coward. He should despise me for that and so should Hermione....Hermione....all of the insults that me and Hermione have exchanged, all the names that we called each other, I never meant any of them. I was never very good at expressing my feelings and she always seemed to disregard me so much. I was never good enough for her and I never will be. She made that clear countless times, yet I always wished that I could be. That I could be a better person so that way I would be of use to my friends, of importance to my family and....

....worthy enough to earn Hermione's love.

I never will be though. I will always be worthless...

_**End**_

**Authors note 2: **I personally love all three members of the trio and I love their friendship with one another. I am a firm believer that they are all stronger together than apart, which is why I was so immensely glad when Ron came back after leaving them. Please review. I don't mind constructive criticism but I dislike flames as they are senseless and cruel. Feel free to nitpick though if you wish.


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